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Dan's Summer Transfer Thread. Aka: " Post Mortem Time""


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Offer has been accepted bauser has had his critics but he has pulled masterstrokes on both of these.  Now over to you Leo!  Payero small issues look sorted should be an announcement tomorrow or f

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6 minutes ago, wilsoncgp said:

Did you seek help or deal with it by yourself, mate?

I've known a few people also go the solo route and plenty of them live with it continuously as a result. It's hard and the important thing for me is that we shouldn't judge those who struggle to do it by themselves just because some people can manage by themselves.

The important thing that happens is that you come out the other side, as you fortunately have. Some won't and the evidence is there that getting help significantly improves your chances of dealing with it better in the long run. We shouldn't judge someone's attitude from being able to deal with it on their own, it's a sure-fire way to ensure people who need help don't get it and start blaming themselves for an issue they literally might not be able to manage through willpower alone.

I was seeking help ... But the system sucked at that time twenty years ago. So i only went to see a psychiatrist twice.

I had so much fear of dying, that anything seemed pointless ... So I just buried myself in a small room with tv ... No point in doing anything productive ... Nothing mattered and I couldn't find joy in anything ... We were all going to die anyway .. it was a terrible year, and a terrible horrible feeling ... 

But I have always been a fighter ... So after a year of hiding ... I had enough ... then I remembered ONE thing, the psychiatrist had said ...  

He had asked med, what I was afraid of ..  dying ... But if you die, you won't notice, so don't waste your life with fearing what you can't control ...

At the time he said it, I was mad at him and told him, that he didn't understand the way I felt at all ... ... But he did ... My mind just couldn't see it at that time ...

But one year later ... It all made sense ... And I turned my life around, cause there was nothing to fear, but fear it self ... 

So i worked really hard for a day or two .. with my mind ... And I just found a way out of it ... And today, i KNOW, that whatever happens, it happens  ... And it up to me, how I respond to it ... I can feel sorry for myself or try to make the best of it ...

So yes, the key, for me at least, was to not bathe in my own misery ... No matter how many of you who dont believe me. 

And btw ... I have helped a few people with similar issues, just by talking to them in a certain way. Won't go into details here. Pm me if you are interested.

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7 hours ago, Denzel Zanzibar said:

It’s also a great insight into why he wasn’t able to make the next step in his career.  He doesn’t want to train, he doesn’t want to eat correctly, and by the sounds of it, he’d prefer a lifestyle that is far more relaxed than a professional athlete tends to have.  He has felt hard done by but I suspect that it’s his own attitudes to these things that have held him back.  Professional and semi professional football has been littered with lads who were talented enough to play at a much higher level but just weren’t prepared to commit to it.  Boro had that lad a while back, Porritt wasn’t it, who had plenty of talent but didn’t have the commitment/professionalism/desire to put the required work into it.  

The mental health aspects seem to be more recent, perhaps as his career has gone backwards rather than forwards.  But it’s also possible that he’s simply in the wrong type of job for the type of person that he is, and would find more happiness/contentment doing something different.  Like I said above, he doesn’t seem to be the type of person who wants to live the life of a professional athlete and all it entails.  I’m sure he can be happy doing something else whilst playing football for fun if he still wants to.  He’s only 27 so he’s got lots of time to figure out more rewarding ways to spend his time.

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20 hours ago, RiversideRed said:

Agreed, if we're paying close to £1m for someone of that age and standard then we're mugs. 

I'd much prefer us to not go for promotion and buy four youngsters who we can develop and keep some and sell some on for profit to help build a more solid team. But at the moment we're getting Hoilett, Ameobi and Smith with no sell-on or long-term plan. It's just pointless. You get promoted and they'd do *** all. 

Well to be fair we have a short-term manager who prefers seasoned veterans and appears to not care for developing young talent. So in that sense it fits.

I just hope none of these players we bring in will be on long term contracts, so that when we change manager, we can offload them without too much pain.

 

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17 hours ago, Denzel Zanzibar said:

Bolasie is training with Spalding United in order to keep up his fitness, just in case anyone was worried he's left the country. We're still interested.

Crikey - he's gone all the way down to Lincolnshire?

Couldn't Billingham Synthonia have let him use their facilities?

 

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3 minutes ago, Changing Times said:

It’s also a great insight into why he wasn’t able to make the next step in his career.  He doesn’t want to train, he doesn’t want to eat correctly, and by the sounds of it, he’d prefer a lifestyle that is far more relaxed than a professional athlete tends to have.  He has felt hard done by but I suspect that it’s his own attitudes to these things that have held him back.  Professional and semi professional football has been littered with lads who were talented enough to play at a much higher level but just weren’t prepared to commit to it.  Boro had that lad a while back, Porritt wasn’t it, who had plenty of talent but didn’t have the commitment/professionalism/desire to put the required work into it.  

The mental health aspects seem to be more recent, perhaps as his career has gone backwards rather than forwards.  But it’s also possible that he’s simply in the wrong type of job for the type of person that he is, and would find more happiness/contentment doing something different.  Like I said above, he doesn’t seem to be the type of person who wants to live the life of a professional athlete and all it entails.  I’m sure he can be happy doing something else whilst playing football for fun if he still wants to.  He’s only 27 so he’s got lots of time to figure out more rewarding ways to spend his time.

This is the long version of what I was trying to say 😃

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4 minutes ago, SmogDane said:

This is the long version of what I was trying to say 😃

No it isn't, it's not at all what you were trying to say. 

You were basically saying mental health can be fixed by sufferers pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, and while that approach may work for some, it's no use for a lot of people.

 

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12 minutes ago, SmogDane said:

I was seeking help ... But the system sucked at that time twenty years ago. So i only went to see a psychiatrist twice.

I had so much fear of dying, that anything seemed pointless ... So I just buried myself in a small room with tv ... No point in doing anything productive ... Nothing mattered and I couldn't find joy in anything ... We were all going to die anyway .. it was a terrible year, and a terrible horrible feeling ... 

But I have always been a fighter ... So after a year of hiding ... I had enough ... then I remembered ONE thing, the psychiatrist had said ...  

He had asked med, what I was afraid of ..  dying ... But if you die, you won't notice, so don't waste your life with fearing what you can't control ...

At the time he said it, I was mad at him and told him, that he didn't understand the way I felt at all ... ... But he did ... My mind just couldn't see it at that time ...

But one year later ... It all made sense ... And I turned my life around, cause there was nothing to fear, but fear it self ... 

So i worked really hard for a day or two .. with my mind ... And I just found a way out of it ... And today, i KNOW, that whatever happens, it happens  ... And it up to me, how I respond to it ... I can feel sorry for myself or try to make the best of it ...

So yes, the key, for me at least, was to not bathe in my own misery ... No matter how many of you who dont believe me. 

And btw ... I have helped a few people with similar issues, just by talking to them in a certain way. Won't go into details here. Pm me if you are interested.

That's mad, I literally had the same type of anxiety, mate. I've had it once about 8-9 years ago and I had it once just a couple of years ago again. I'm seriously glad you got through it because it's utterly terrifying. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

I initially had a bad experience with psychiatrists too. The first one I went to see was amazing, I was only 16-17 and she took me through a lot and I remember being really happy until she said she was leaving that week and so I'd be handed off to somebody else. I just thought, great, I'm not doing this again with someone else and sacked them off immediately. It wasn't her fault of course, couldn't thank her enough. But the system certainly felt a bit naff that I got booked in as a young lad scared and angry about my mental health and didn't get a consistent therapist.

Having said that, I did CBT therapy about 6 years ago when I was in London and it was amazing. Having a consistent therapist was a good start. I also did a 4 week course that was more generalised and it was really well delivered. I'm slightly more optimistic about the quality of the care nowadays though the one thing people still seem to say is that unless you're going private, you may have to wait a hell of a long time to speak to someone properly face-to-face. When it got bad 2 years ago, I instead got put through a digital service called SilverCloud and whilst it was a bit less personal, it was quite good for me.

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1 hour ago, SmogDane said:

The key is not to bathe in one's own misery. 

The key for you was not to bathe in your own misery.

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DZ  I'm sorry to disagree with you but it is perfectly possible.

My dad died when I was just 12 I got through school because I loved sport and college then the world of work was close to destroying me.  So i got a new  and better job in a different part of the country.  I had too much to do,  a young family,  a place we didn't know.  It never really reappeared but I'm conscious it could have done.

I don't really go for all the current day mental health calls and I did have treatment for depression which provided me with little or no help. 

Subsequently, I even ran my own business for 30 years.  Maybe I was lucky, maybe I was just awkward, maybe I just refused to let "it " win.  Whilst until recently I would probably never have agreed, I am competitive

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28 minutes ago, Changing Times said:

It’s also a great insight into why he wasn’t able to make the next step in his career.  He doesn’t want to train, he doesn’t want to eat correctly, and by the sounds of it, he’d prefer a lifestyle that is far more relaxed than a professional athlete tends to have.  He has felt hard done by but I suspect that it’s his own attitudes to these things that have held him back.  Professional and semi professional football has been littered with lads who were talented enough to play at a much higher level but just weren’t prepared to commit to it.  Boro had that lad a while back, Porritt wasn’t it, who had plenty of talent but didn’t have the commitment/professionalism/desire to put the required work into it.  

The mental health aspects seem to be more recent, perhaps as his career has gone backwards rather than forwards.  But it’s also possible that he’s simply in the wrong type of job for the type of person that he is, and would find more happiness/contentment doing something different.  Like I said above, he doesn’t seem to be the type of person who wants to live the life of a professional athlete and all it entails.  I’m sure he can be happy doing something else whilst playing football for fun if he still wants to.  He’s only 27 so he’s got lots of time to figure out more rewarding ways to spend his time.

Looked up Poritt out of interest and he's currently Hartlepool's kitman, still only 31 as well. 

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Mental health is no joke, and the pain is real. I too have and still do at times suffer from depression and anxiety, and it's things that I love that gets me through it, I also think I'm too proud to ask for help and support. While I don't think I'm at breaking point yet but have felt at times close to it. I personally try and think of things that I am thankful for such as my family, and or resort to distractions such as my photography. 

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14 minutes ago, wilsoncgp said:

That's mad, I literally had the same type of anxiety, mate. I've had it once about 8-9 years ago and I had it once just a couple of years ago again. I'm seriously glad you got through it because it's utterly terrifying. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

I initially had a bad experience with psychiatrists too. The first one I went to see was amazing, I was only 16-17 and she took me through a lot and I remember being really happy until she said she was leaving that week and so I'd be handed off to somebody else. I just thought, great, I'm not doing this again with someone else and sacked them off immediately. It wasn't her fault of course, couldn't thank her enough. But the system certainly felt a bit naff that I got booked in as a young lad scared and angry about my mental health and didn't get a consistent therapist.

Having said that, I did CBT therapy about 6 years ago when I was in London and it was amazing. Having a consistent therapist was a good start. I also did a 4 week course that was more generalised and it was really well delivered. I'm slightly more optimistic about the quality of the care nowadays though the one thing people still seem to say is that unless you're going private, you may have to wait a hell of a long time to speak to someone properly face-to-face. When it got bad 2 years ago, I instead got put through a digital service called SilverCloud and whilst it was a bit less personal, it was quite good for me.

I've seen somebody very near to me suffer with anxiety and its bloody awful to watch because at times you feel powerless when trying to help. Years ago mental health anxiety and depression was unspoken about, I'm just happy that there is a lot of help out there for people with mental health issues its vital, and talking to someone does help and also good understanding family and friends. I hope everything is working out and going in the right direction for yourself. 

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  • Downsouth changed the title to Dan's Summer Transfer Thread. Aka: " Post Mortem Time""
  • Old Codger changed the title to Dan's Summer Transfer Thread. Aka: " Sporar Tomorar?""

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