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Rotherham vs Boro 1-2 (Saville, Akpom)


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Scene 1: Ext (Evening).

[Neil Warnock, Kevin Blackwell and their wives are sitting in patio chairs under a full moon. A half-eaten sherry trifle slowly melts beside the patio heater]

MRS B: And that was when the budgie fell into the mince!

[Everyone laughs apart from Warnock, who is staring into space]

MRS W: It’s so nice to be socialising again, even if it is outside. We had some great nights back in Rotherham, didn’t we?

MRS B: Best three months of my life. I really miss catching up without watching the bushes in case the neighbours are spying on our car in the drive and reporting you for breaching lockdown.

MRS W: I don’t think anyone’d even notice your Vectra. Your eyes just kind of slide off it. It’s like it’s cloaked.

MRS B: I know. It’s an awful car, but Kev won’t trade it in. I drove him to the Skoda garage last week when it reopened, and he just sat in the passenger seat refusing to say hello to the salesman. He was tapping on the window like Kev was a fish in an aquarium.

BLACKWELL: Good car, that Vectra. Its got four speakers, so it’s like you’ve got stereo side to side and then stereo front to back as well.

[silence]

MRS W: Anyway, no-one can see in the garden. Neil put acoustic fencing up on the other side of the laurels as soon as we moved in, cos he thought people might be spying on him as he pottered about. He likes to think out loud about tactics.

BLACKWELL: Sometimes he argues with himself. But he always wins.

WARNOCK: Hmm?

MRS B: We’d love to have you over to ours, but we still can’t cook anything cos the kitchen’s not in yet. We’ve been living off Pot Noodles and Rustlers since Mr Gibson rang.

MRS W: Can’t you get someone in to finish it off?

MRS B: Kev keeps saying he’ll finish it when he has time, but then he’s up til two every night writing notes in red ink about why Lewis Wing deserves to be playing in League One next season.

BLACKWELL: I put the sink in last week!

MRS B: You did, love, but it’s upside down.

BLACKWELL: At least the drain won’t get clogged.

WARNOCK [shouting]: Clogs!

[everyone jumps]

BLACKWELL: Where? We’re sitting outside! She drove me here! [He throws the car keys into the trifle, where they slowly sink from view]

WARNOCK: Not cops, clogs. I was trying to remember the name of that Millers defender, the one whose name’s the same as that Boro defender I never played. You wittering on about clogs reminded me. [Turns to Blackwell] I had Wood once. Remember?

MRS W: Once sounds about right. In 1982. Anyway, speaking of being f**ked, would anyone like another eggnog?

MRS B: Oh no, I think we need to be getting off soon. I’ll ring you on Wednesday night when the game’s on, and we can talk about how much happier we were back in Rotherham.

MRS W: Sounds great. Rotherham, I mean. [She looks pointedly at Warnock, who’s mumbling to himself about sending a Wish You Were Here card to Jamal Blackman]

 

Match details:

It’s a 6pm kick-off (obviously) on Wednesday evening. It’s an away fixture for us, not that it matters (a) in empty stadia, (b) when we lose all the time anyway and (c) in the week when football finally sold what remains of its soul to Beelzebub himself.

 

Form guide:

Rotherham are probably going to be relegated, and we’re probably not. That’s about all you need to know for this one.

 

View from the other side:

No MDT from the Millers’ forum yet, but I will post a link once it appears. In the meantime, they have a suitably bile-laden thread about the ESL, which is expanding almost as fast as our own Non-Boro Football thread.

 

Questions for the audience:

1.       Who makes your starting XI?

1a.     Why do some people still write 11 as XI when talking about football teams?

2.       Who was the last Boro signing (including loans and re-signings) that you were excited to see in our starting XI?

3.       Will we get promoted next season if the European Super League means there are IX promotion spots available from the Championship to the PL instead of III?

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I'm desperate for us to win this, but yeah, a Rotherham win would put them a point behind Derby with 2 games in hand, they could do it. Derby and Sheffield Wednesday both going down would be a be

Genuine guy is Marv. Stand out player in 1st half of the season. Very unlucky to not have been involved more. Loves it at Boro.

Malley has very nice feet. Looks hard to deal with in possession  

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Brilliant! You should be a script writer. 👏

 

Questions for the audience:

1.       Who makes your starting XI?

The entire U23 team

1a.     Why do some people still write 11 as XI when talking about football teams?

I'm guessing because Roman numerals just look classier?

2.       Who was the last Boro signing (including loans and re-signings) that you were excited to see in our starting XI?

Probably Darren Randolph...wait no, that was relieved not excited. I'll go with Patrick Bamford.

3.       Will we get promoted next season if the European Super League means there are IX promotion spots available from the Championship to the PL instead of III?

Nah - because you can guarantee Boro would drop into 10th place on the final day of the season. Seriously - that would be so Boro.

 

Anyway, on paper this is one of our easiest remaining fixtures. Despite having a couple of games in hand, Rotherham still look pretty much doomed to the drop. However they're not mathematically down yet and will probably fight as though their lives depended on it.

Which is not good news for Boro, who will no doubt find new and sillier ways to throw the game away, thanks to a combination of NW's refusal to try other players outside his preferred / trusted "clique" (even though they've repeatedly let him down) and the players' minds already being on the beach at whatever "green zone" destination they have in mind this Summer.

Prediction: Rotherham 2 - 1 Boro

 

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Archer

Fisher Hall Paddy Coulson

Howson Malley

NML Watmore Bolasie

Chuba

Last signing that i was genuinely excited about. I would probably say Negredo. I still think he was a top striker that we used all wrong. I was very excited to what he could do as I felt he possessed a great touch, good strength, good awareness and was a genuine goalscorer. Shame we decided to isolate him.

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There may be still a few left that may suggest the club made progress this season and defend NW record and even suggest the club next season will benefit by his presence, well I am not one as I can’t find any historical data other then we did slightly better then last season with a great deal of signings. 
I don’t like the football we play, or don’t for want of a better word. I don’t see structure, unity, passion, pride or work ethic and I can’t buy into believing throwing money at a 73 year old makes any long term investment sense. 
I don’t understand NW last public statement that he now knows who needs to go and who needs to stay but still won’t play deserved worthy youngsters even though there is little to play for other then stopping an abysmal run of defeats. 
I would like a straight forward answer on why he thought and backed the signings he made are no longer worthy especially the clown he put in goal. 
As for the upcoming games, well what about them other then we have to play them. 


 

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1.       Who makes your starting XI? ....Not anybody who cant be arsed or has no stake in what happens next season or Betenelli. Lets go for it ....

.....................Brynn or Archer.............

Spence...Mcnair....Hall............Coulson

........................Howson or Saville..............................

Folarin............Kebano.............Johnson

..............Coburn......Watmore..................

 

I think actually after Archer was okay last game, no red flags unlike almost every Betenelli performance, so maybe deserves another crack at it but equally so does Brynn. This time Warnock please go for it, don't try grind out a 1-0 or I think it horribly backfire again for you as Rotherham will go for this and defiantly not 5 at the back. 

 

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Great post, OP!

1. Who makes your starting XI?

                   Brynn

Fisher    Hall   McNair   Bola

           Howson    Saville

NML          Bolasie     Watmore

                  Coburn

1a. Why do some people still write 11 as XI when talking about football teams?

Same reason as to why the Superbowl does, it looks cool.

2. Who was the last Boro signing (including loans and re-signings) that you were excited to see in our starting XI?

Excited? Traore, without a doubt.

3. Will we get promoted next season if the European Super League means there are IX promotion spots available from the Championship to the PL instead of III?

No. And you shouldn't use Roman Numerals in this context, it looks silly.

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Ouch 11 hours before the game and 5 replies, Warnock has got to entertain today and play some kids or the next build up will just be nobody talking about it or looking forward too it. 

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20 minutes ago, thomas said:

Ouch 11 hours before the game and 5 replies, Warnock has got to entertain today and play some kids or the next build up will just be nobody talking about it or looking forward too it. 

Tbf the thread only went up yesterday evening

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33 minutes ago, thomas said:

Ouch 11 hours before the game and 5 replies, Warnock has got to entertain today and play some kids or the next build up will just be nobody talking about it or looking forward too it. 

Warnock may entertain today, but you will be sadly disappointed if you are expecting a game of football as well...  last time I looked, it kicks off tomorrow at 6pm 🙂

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Questions for the audience:

1.       Who makes your starting XI?

Archer 

Bola, McNair, Hall, Fisher

Howson, Hackney, Saville

Watmore, Akpom, Bolasie

Archer did nothing wrong, so I'd give him another chance even though I want to see Brynn get at least one game.

If we are trying to move Akpom on, we need to try and increase his goal tally before the end of the season. Bring on Coburn in the second half.

I'd like to see Mendez-Laing play but it's been strangely quiet about his apparent injuries so maybe there are issues there.

1a.     Why do some people still write 11 as XI when talking about football teams?

Pretentiousness.

2.       Who was the last Boro signing (including loans and re-signings) that you were excited to see in our starting XI?

Assombalonga, I'd been desperate for us to sign him (partly because his name is great) and it just never worked out.

Plenty of signings have impressed me since then, but I've not been massively excited to sign them.

3.       Will we get promoted next season if the European Super League means there are IX promotion spots available from the Championship to the PL instead of III?

Will we ***, I'm hoping the whole venture implodes for the good of football, but I expect they'd just let in the top 6 of the Championship as replacements if the worst should happen..

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2 hours ago, thomas said:

Ouch 11 hours before the game and 5 replies, Warnock has got to entertain today and play some kids or the next build up will just be nobody talking about it or looking forward too it. 

It’s a Wednesday game and today is only Tuesday!

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2 hours ago, thomas said:

Ouch 11 hours before the game and 5 replies, Warnock has got to entertain today and play some kids or the next build up will just be nobody talking about it or looking forward too it. 

Sadly I don't think anyone could care less about entertaining, or even winning.

To use a school analogy, the remainder of the season is like the last class before the Summer holidays and everyone is just clock-watching or staring out the window, waiting for the bell to ring.

 

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39 minutes ago, BoroAbroad said:

I would like to see Rotherham survive at the expense of 'Champions league' Derby. It's a nothing game for us. Play the youngsters.

If we played the U23s I'd actually give us a chance of winning.

The guaranteed way to help Rotherham is for Warnock to pick the usual suspects. 😉

 

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