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Scene 1: Ext (Day).

[On the Rockliffe training pitches, Neil Warnock is playing keepie-up with a ball tied to elastic wrapped around his foot. Dael Fry wanders up, squeezing a spot]

FRY: How many can you do without the elastic, gaffer?

WARNOCK: Never you bloody mind, lad. I’m not using the elastic to cheat. I’m almost a hundred years old and it hurts me back to bend down and pick up the ball. Not that I need to, cos I’m really good at keepie-ups.

FRY: Uh-huh.

WARNOCK: It’s also why I stand up all through the match, cos if I sit down, Kev has to pull me back up off the bench. I become completely immobile all match. I end up like Rudy Gestede.

FRY: I’ve got a message for you. It’s from Mr Scott. He’s waiting for you in the bunker.

WARNOCK: Oh Christ.

Scene 2: Int (Day)

[A dark room inside Rockliffe’s basement, lit only by a circular rooflight. Spotlights pick out a giant desk in the middle, where a man in a bowler hat sits tapping his fingers on the desk. A white cat purrs quietly on his lap]

SCOTT: Good evening, Mr Warnock. I’ve been expecting you.

WARNOCK: Bit cloak and dagger, this, eh?

SCOTT: I like to be discreet in my dealings. I prefer people not to know too much about me. Pity those fools at the Gazette who ran all those stories about me. I will deal with them later. [He picks up a letter-opener and spins it between his fingers]

WARNOCK: So what do you want?

SCOTT: I just wanted to check you were happy with the signings I, sorry, Mr Gibson made in the summer. When I wasn’t here, obviously.

WARNOCK: Yeah, thanks for them. Especially that Argie bloke. He was a real gift.

SCOTT [smiles horribly]: Yes, he was, wasn’t he? I notice you haven’t been playing our licensed troubleshooter much. Perhaps that’s something you’d like to…reconsider. [He throws the letter-opener across the bunker, and it sticks in a badly-ripped picture of Jonny Howson on the wall]

WARNOCK: Look, I told Mr Gibson this already. I want all my players to be over six feet tall, built like brick s**thouses and ready to launch the ball eighty yards up the pitch at a moment’s notice. What’s the point giving me a skilful and pacy playmaker? That’s not the Boro way.

SCOTT: You have to give the people hope, Neil. Without it, they become lost, and spend their afternoons in the Dickens instead of here. We need people paying a premium for pre-match pies to pay for Payero’s pay packet.

WARNOCK [looking suspicious]: Have you been talking to that Vickers bloke?

SCOTT [looking shifty]: Who?

WARNOCK: Oh, never mind. Look, I want my teams full of artless cloggers. That’s how I do it.

SCOTT: Do what? Get sacked by Christmas to everyone’s relief?

WARNOCK: No, get teams full of crap players promoted against the odds and get talked about on EFL on Quest as if I’m a bloody miracle worker. That’s what we’re all here for, right?

SCOTT: Not at all. I’m here for the lols. [He picks up a pen] Now, ensure our friend Mr Payero starts on Saturday, and we won’t need to have any more of these little chats. Good day.

[The door to the stairs swings open behind Warnock. Scene ends]

Match details:

It’s a 3pm kick-off on Saturday, at the newly-renamed Coventry Building Society Arena. You might know it better as the Ricoh – the place Coventry haven’t played for most of the last decade.

Form guide:

So far this season, Coventry have won three and lost two, most recently coming a cropper against QPR. Our form… well, do I really need to say?

View from the other side:

There’s a September match thread on the Sky Blues Talk thread, where the OP clearly hasn’t looked up how to spell Middlesbrough. I hope we stuff them just for that.

Questions for the audience:

1.       Who makes your starting XI?

2.       Why hasn’t Payero been given more game time so far?

3.       Which of our summer signings are you most excited about seeing in a Boro shirt?

4.       People used to use the phrase “being sent to Coventry” as an insult. Where would you least like to be sent in England, and why?

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Scene 1: Ext (Day). [On the Rockliffe training pitches, Neil Warnock is playing keepie-up with a ball tied to elastic wrapped around his foot. Dael Fry wanders up, squeezing a spot] FRY: How

I’ve said time and time again (although I don’t post much nowadays) that there is no point in splashing money on players unless the manager is capable of welding them into a successful team. Boro’s hi

Britt Assombalonga - £15m in 2017 Bielsa to Leeds - 2018 but I can’t find his salary for 2018. But he is on a lot for a manager now they’re in the prem at around £8m a year my point is that

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Great stuff OP, Newy would be proud

1. Obviously the new lads, but after midweek internationals the ones who were involved probably won't start. I'd like to see Hernandez start, big Uche comes back into the team for me after being ill too. I'd expect Sprorar, Siliki and Payero on the bench.

2. Animated GIF

3. Payero obviously, when he gets up to speed. I think Hernandez will be our standout player this season, though

4. Neil Warnock's sex dungeon (because you know he has one.)

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Morsy is gone, JLS will only have a few days with the team, and McNair back in defence.

I have a sneaky feeling Payero starts this one... He's had two weeks on the training ground as one of our only senior CMs and got that U23 game under his belt. 

 

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Sporar is a certainty for the bench, Lea-Siliki and Payero is toss of a coin but unlikely NW will pick either. I think Warnock will go..

                      Lumley 

Dijksteel.    Fry.     McNair.   Bola

       Crooks.  Howson   Tav

 Hernandez.   Ikpeazu    Jones 

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1. Who makes your starting XI?

Lumley, Dijksteel, Fry, McNair, Bola, Howson, Tav, Crooks, Hernandez, Jones, Uche.

Subs: Daniels, Hall, Peltier, JLS, Payero, Watmore, Sporar

2. Why hasn’t Payero been given more game time so far?

Because Warnock feels he needs more time to adapt. Hoping that it happens sooner rather than later. 

3. Which of our summer signings are you most excited about seeing in a Boro shirt?

Hernandez, JLS and Sporar.. cant just pick one..

4. People used to use the phrase “being sent to Coventry” as an insult. Where would you least like to be sent in England, and why?

London.. it is just the worst! 

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3 hours ago, Humpty said:

2,600 sold so far. Fantastic support that 👍

Oh thank you Matt, high praise indeed not just for myself but all the other forum members who will be there😉

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30 minutes ago, DevKWat said:

I’d have no hair left if I was Sporar playing with this lot. The amount of good runs he makes and they haven’t picked him out once 

yes i caught last half hour they were shocking. so bad at one point croatia cb's were quite far apart sporar pointing into the chasm and started running. the croatian lads barely bothered moving as i guess they knew the pass wasnt coming. not in a million years lol

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22 hours ago, RiseAgainst said:

Scene 1: Ext (Day).

[On the Rockliffe training pitches, Neil Warnock is playing keepie-up with a ball tied to elastic wrapped around his foot. Dael Fry wanders up, squeezing a spot]

FRY: How many can you do without the elastic, gaffer?

WARNOCK: Never you bloody mind, lad. I’m not using the elastic to cheat. I’m almost a hundred years old and it hurts me back to bend down and pick up the ball. Not that I need to, cos I’m really good at keepie-ups.

FRY: Uh-huh.

WARNOCK: It’s also why I stand up all through the match, cos if I sit down, Kev has to pull me back up off the bench. I become completely immobile all match. I end up like Rudy Gestede.

FRY: I’ve got a message for you. It’s from Mr Scott. He’s waiting for you in the bunker.

WARNOCK: Oh Christ.

Scene 2: Int (Day)

[A dark room inside Rockliffe’s basement, lit only by a circular rooflight. Spotlights pick out a giant desk in the middle, where a man in a bowler hat sits tapping his fingers on the desk. A white cat purrs quietly on his lap]

SCOTT: Good evening, Mr Warnock. I’ve been expecting you.

WARNOCK: Bit cloak and dagger, this, eh?

SCOTT: I like to be discreet in my dealings. I prefer people not to know too much about me. Pity those fools at the Gazette who ran all those stories about me. I will deal with them later. [He picks up a letter-opener and spins it between his fingers]

WARNOCK: So what do you want?

SCOTT: I just wanted to check you were happy with the signings I, sorry, Mr Gibson made in the summer. When I wasn’t here, obviously.

WARNOCK: Yeah, thanks for them. Especially that Argie bloke. He was a real gift.

SCOTT [smiles horribly]: Yes, he was, wasn’t he? I notice you haven’t been playing our licensed troubleshooter much. Perhaps that’s something you’d like to…reconsider. [He throws the letter-opener across the bunker, and it sticks in a badly-ripped picture of Jonny Howson on the wall]

WARNOCK: Look, I told Mr Gibson this already. I want all my players to be over six feet tall, built like brick s**thouses and ready to launch the ball eighty yards up the pitch at a moment’s notice. What’s the point giving me a skilful and pacy playmaker? That’s not the Boro way.

SCOTT: You have to give the people hope, Neil. Without it, they become lost, and spend their afternoons in the Dickens instead of here. We need people paying a premium for pre-match pies to pay for Payero’s pay packet.

WARNOCK [looking suspicious]: Have you been talking to that Vickers bloke?

SCOTT [looking shifty]: Who?

WARNOCK: Oh, never mind. Look, I want my teams full of artless cloggers. That’s how I do it.

SCOTT: Do what? Get sacked by Christmas to everyone’s relief?

WARNOCK: No, get teams full of crap players promoted against the odds and get talked about on EFL on Quest as if I’m a bloody miracle worker. That’s what we’re all here for, right?

SCOTT: Not at all. I’m here for the lols. [He picks up a pen] Now, ensure our friend Mr Payero starts on Saturday, and we won’t need to have any more of these little chats. Good day.

[The door to the stairs swings open behind Warnock. Scene ends]

Questions for the audience:

1.       Who makes your starting XI?

2.       Why hasn’t Payero been given more game time so far?

3.       Which of our summer signings are you most excited about seeing in a Boro shirt?

4.       People used to use the phrase “being sent to Coventry” as an insult. Where would you least like to be sent in England, and why?

SCOTT: Do you expect me to talk?

WARNOCK: No, Mr Scott, I expect you to buy...

 

Anyway, 

1. Need to see the new signings in person before I make up my mind on my starting 11. Shame we have to wait so long for another home game!

2. Because Warnock still isn't over the Falklands. 

3. All of them. Nice to have some exciting signings, rather than the usual plodders.

4. I would least like to be sent to Birmingham. The accent is an abomination. 

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  • Downsouth changed the title to Coventry vs Boro 2-0

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