Jokes thread!

[Motor Mouth 255]

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

Farting Elves 12 days of Christmas.

 

http://youtu.be/dq9oV3Bsobo

---

Seasonal fun..

 

Sibbarpsrevyn

 

http://youtu.be/5748lK9HpOg

[Motor Mouth 255]

Remember the old-time Jewish comedians of Vaudeville days - Shecky Green,

Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? You

may have only heard of them, but don't we all miss their kind of humour? Not

a single swear word in their comic routines like

today:

 

* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you

comfortable? " The man says, "I make a good living."

 

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the

airport.

 

 

 

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out,

she'll kill me!

 

 

 

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief

spends less than my wife did.

 

 

 

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

 

 

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it

the Dead Sea .

 

 

 

* My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night.

This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.

 

 

 

* My Wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the

estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud

fell off.

 

 

 

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,

so the doctor gave him another six months.

 

 

 

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."

Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis!"

 

 

 

* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See!

What did I tell you?"

 

 

 

* A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how

do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

 

 

 

* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't answer!"

 

 

 

* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought

here for drinking. " The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

 

 

 

*Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

 

 

 

* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

 

 

 

*The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like

Chinese food so much. The study revealed that the reason for this is

because Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

 

*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.

In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates

from law school.

 

 

 

Q : Why don't Jewish mothers drink?

A : Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

 

 

 

*Q : Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?

A : It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."

 

 

 

*Q : Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?

A : They never let anyone finish a sentence.

 

 

 

*A man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?" Not too good,"

said the mother. "I've been very weak. " The son said, "Why are you so

weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said,

"That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? " The mother answered,

"Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."

 

 

 

*A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices

for dinner - Take it or leave it.

 

 

 

*A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in

the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of

the Jewish husband. " The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the

teacher you want a speaking part."

 

 

 

Q : Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?

A : Under the vacuum cleaner.

 

 

 

Q : How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A : (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a

nuisance to anybody."

 

 

 

Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's

eat.

 

 

 

A Jewish mother gives her son a blue shirt and a brown shirt for his

birthday. On the next visit, he wears the brown one. The mother says,

"What's the matter already? Didn't you like the blue one?"

 

 

 

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street

and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she

replied.

 

 

 

Q : What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?

A : Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

 

 

 

Q : Why are Jewish Men circumcised? A : Because Jewish women don't like

anything that isn't 20% off.

[Motor Mouth 255]

A hazardous material ?

 

Hazardous Data Sheet.

 

Element <: Woman.

 

Discoverer <: Adam.

 

Atomic Mass <: Accepted as 55Kg but known to vary from 45Kg to 225Kg.

 

 

Physical Properties.

 

1 - Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.

 

2 - Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes for no apparent reason.

 

3 - Found in various grades from ranging from virgin material to common ore.

 

 

Chemical Properties.

 

Reacts well to gold platinum and all precious stones.

 

Explodes spontaneously for no apparent reason.

 

The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

 

 

Common Use.

 

1 - Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

 

2 - Can greatly aid relaxation.

 

3 - Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

 

 

Hazards.

 

1 - Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

 

2 - Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.

---

Some Quickies

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on

it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'

 

Told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I

said, 'No, permanent.'

 

I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said,

'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'

 

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best

Before End'

 

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said

'No, just a watch.

 

I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The

bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'

 

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He

said, 'You've got cholera.'

 

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his

name, it's P something T something R.

 

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it

down.

 

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just

went on and on.

 

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary

work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

 

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin

paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.'

 

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me

on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you

anything.

 

I phoned the local builders today; I said to them 'Can I have a skip

outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'

[Motor Mouth 255]

Devil in the Church

 

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

 

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

 

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

 

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

 

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

 

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

 

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

.........................

 

Dead Again

 

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

 

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

 

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

 

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for that f**king wall!"

[Motor Mouth 255]

Three Tests

 

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

 

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."

 

"What are the three tests?" asks the man

 

"Gotta pay first."

 

So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

 

"OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."

 

"Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the man, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!"

 

The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.

 

"Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.

 

He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping and growling, then silence.

 

Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.

 

"NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"

.....................

 

Randy Panda

 

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

 

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

 

"For what?"

 

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

 

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

 

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

 

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

[smogsterking the Inspirati 2,490]

I got thrown out of my local butchers today. All I said was that the venison was deer, the chicken was fowl, and the haggis was offal.

---

I was refereeing a local sunday league game the other day when a player came up to me andy shouted "A E I O U". I booked him for vowel language.

[Motor Mouth 255]

I was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).

 

Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.

 

We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"

 

The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."

 

Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."

 

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample."

 

"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said Morton.

 

By now the copper is getting fairly p*ssed off and finally demands a urine sample for testing.

 

Morton looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either."

 

The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!! "

 

"Bloody oath mate." says Morton. "It's from the government. Says that you whites can't take the p*ss out of us Black Fellers."

[Motor Mouth 255]

Mexican Jews.

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day.

Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico?"

Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks."

He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies, "I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews."

"Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"

 

 

"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter. "All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."

---

Mobile phones.

A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their mobile phones.

 

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text

while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

 

She texted:

 

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears.

I love you.

 

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

 

I'm on the toilet. Please advise...

---

How To Stop Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals,

 

kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

 

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities,

 

but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

 

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic

 

after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

 

 

 

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there

 

would know what he was doing!

 

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.

 

He didn't explain, defend, or deny.

 

 

 

He said nothing..

 

 

 

 

 

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house,

 

walked home .... and left it there all night.

[Motor Mouth 255]

A blonde sees a posting on a bulletin board that says, "Cruise -- Only £5."

 

She goes to the address on the back and hands the receptionist £5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.

 

The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks.

 

The other blonde replies, "They didn't last year."

---

A beautiful blonde woman boards a plane to L.A. with a ticket for coach. Once she boards, she chooses an empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman she has to move back.

 

The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to L.A."

 

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain. The captain goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

 

She immediately gets up, hugs the captain and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The flight attendant asks what he said to the woman.

 

"I just told her that the first class section isn't going to L.A."

---

Coming From All Directions

 

 

 

Previous Next

A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

 

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

 

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

[Motor Mouth 255]

Lovers Rhyming Text..

...........

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner, but his wife was already preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

 

Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he grabbed his cell phone and texted his wife:

"The tent pole is up,

the canvas is spread.

To hell with breakfast,

come back to bed."

 

The wife answered the text:

"Take the tent pole down,

put the canvas away.

The monkey's exhausted.

No circus today."

 

So he sent another text:

"The tent pole's still up

and the canvas still spread,

so drop what you're doing

and come give me some head."

 

To which she texted back:

"I know that your pole's

the best in the land,

but I'm busy right now,

so do it by hand."

[Motor Mouth 255]

Alligator

 

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

 

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

 

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

 

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yeah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

[Motor Mouth 255]

Roy, the gay chappy.

.............

Roy, the gay chappy, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, “Roy , I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.”

Roy is devastated. “Doc, what can I do?”

 

The doctor says, “Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of Cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno Peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box Of All Bran, And top it off with a litre of prune juice.”

Roy asks bewildered, “Will that cure me, Doc?”

 

 

Doc says, “No, but it should leave you with a better understanding Of what your BUM is for.”

---

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD

 

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

 

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

 

 

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

 

 

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

 

 

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

 

 

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut a hole.

 

 

The voice came once more,

 

 

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

 

 

 

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,

 

 

"IS THAT YOU LORD?" ???

 

 

The voice replied,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No, this is the manager of the hockey rink!!"

---

On The Farm

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved

To play together.

 

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a

Bog and began to sink.

 

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to

Go get the farmer for help!

 

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the

Farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no

Avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

 

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with

A length of rope hoping he still had time to save his

friend's life.

 

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see

The chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to

Get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

 

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the

Farmer's' bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and,

With the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

 

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the

Farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he

Returned.

 

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best

Buddies, Best Pals.

 

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and

Soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to

Save his life!

 

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the

Large puddle.

 

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his

Hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the

Pit.

 

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up

And out, saving his life.

 

The moral of the story?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!

[Motor Mouth 255]

"SPAGHETTI"

 

For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant.

 

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child.

 

Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child support until the child turned 18.

 

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

 

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back when the child was born.

 

He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin.

 

One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

 

"Honey," she said, "You received a very strange postcard today."

 

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

 

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

 

On the card was written:

 

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

 

Three with meatballs, two without.

 

Send extra sauce

---

Football in Heaven

 

Two old men, Jim and Pete, sit on a park bench in Albert Park feeding pigeons and talking about football. Jim turns to Pete and asks, "Do you think there's football in Heaven?"

 

Pete thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's football in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

 

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Jim passes on. Soon afterward, Pete sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Pete... Pete... ."

 

Pete responds, "Jim! Is that you?"

 

"Yes it is, Pete," whispers Jim's ghost.

 

Pete, still amazed, asks, "So, is there football in Heaven?"

 

"Well," says Jim, "I've got good news and bad news."

 

"Gimme the good news first," says Pete.

 

Jim says, "Well, there is football in Heaven."

 

Pete says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

 

Jim sighs and whispers, "You're playing in goal Saturday."

---

Beautiful?

A lawyer was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

 

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

[Motor Mouth 255]

An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the taff

 

'Gooday, mind if I talk to your dog?'

 

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English ***.'

 

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

 

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

 

Taff: (look of extreme shock)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

 

Dog: 'Yep'

 

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

 

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

 

Taff: (look of utter disbelief)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

 

Taff: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

 

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

 

Horse: 'Cool'

 

Taff: (absolutely dumbfounded)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

 

Horse: 'Yep'

 

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

 

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

 

Taff: (total look of amazement)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

 

Taff: (in a panic) 'That sheep's a F****ng liar !!!

---

An Aussie bloke walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

 

The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'

'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just

testing it..'

The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch? ''What's so special about it?'

The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

 

Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

The woman giggles and replies

'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

 

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says, ' Bloody thing's an hour fast!'

[Motor Mouth 255]

Medical Insurance.

A woman was being shown around the hospital.

 

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

 

Oh my GOD! screamed the woman. That's disgraceful! ....Why is he doing that?

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.

 

Oh well... in that case, I guess it's okay said the woman..

 

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?

 

The doctor spoke very calmly,

Same illness, but he’s with BUPA.